


just a matter of time until i rest my eyes.

by htmlres



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Character Death, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Mild Gore, deathbed confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/htmlres/pseuds/htmlres
Summary: It’s too late, as he lets out heart wrenching sobs that could pass for banshee wails, nails biting into the still-warm skin of Hisoka’s arms. It’s too late, as his father and grandfather pull up to the abandoned building. It’s too late, as he’s pried away from the only person that he’s ever known to truly love him.It’s too late.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 6
Kudos: 117





	just a matter of time until i rest my eyes.

Even as blood trickles from the sides of his mouth, staining his teeth a translucent red, even as he coughs and makes a horrible gurgling noise, Hisoka dons a smile. The color of his skin is draining rapidly, from what was normally a pinkish hue now blue and gray. It almost looked like molten lava was breathing beneath the surface of his hands. Maroon and purple speckling the paling fists.

“Hisoka-” Illumi chokes out, quiet enough to pass for a whisper. He hasn’t said anything other than broken attempts at Hisoka’s name in the last few minutes, they had been shrouded in silence until a noise made itself known, from deep within Illumi’s lungs.

Hisoka's lips are still up-turned, even as death tightens its wiry fingers around his throat. There’s just a flicker of the flame that always burned bright in his eyes, one Illumi always thought he wanted to extinguish. Though now as he’s watching it burn out, as if there’s no longer any oxygen to feed it, Illumi is forced to acknowledge the hollowness of his chest.

“I always thought,” Hisoka wheezes, willing his vision to focus on the man above him while the room begins to spin, “you looked so pretty when you cried.”

Had there not been an iron grasp on his neck, he wonders if it would’ve snapped from the weight of his head. How heavy he must feel in Illumi’s arms. Hisoka tries to muster the strength to lift a hand to wipe the tears away, but his limbs feel like they’ve been chained to the ground. Illumi is staring down at him, he looks so young like this. Trails of tears almost glittering under the soft moonlight, chest heaving with emotion Hisoka didn’t know Illumi was capable of. 

Maybe this could serve as something good, in a way. An experience that would allow him to express more, feel more. Become more _human_. It’s unfortunate, Hisoka thinks, he’ll never get to hear Illumi laugh without bloodlust clouding the sound. Never see the soft pink trails, rigid along his face after a good night's rest again. Illumi did seem to sleep better next to him.

“You know, dear Lumi. I always did love you.” It comes out ragged, it sounds awful. He never wanted to admit it this way, he never thought he would have to.

Illumi’s eyes are wide, bug-like, scattering as if he’s trying to find a lie in the words plastered somewhere across Hisoka’s face. But there isn’t one, no. 

Hisoka had realized it years ago. There had been a night when he and Illumi were sitting together on the roof of a building, cold air nipping at the bare skin of their arms. Illumi seemed to glow under the moon, the light catching in all the right places of his face, breathing life into his dull black eyes. Something Hisoka had never seen before, in all the time he had known him. He had felt his heart falter for a moment, Illumi looked serene, for once in his life. Maybe that was when he had realized it. But he thinks that it had existed before then, always lingering.

He kept it pushed down, knowing nothing would ever come of it. He knew Illumi wasn’t- _he wasn’t taught to love._ Hisoka had dreamt of mornings, waking up with the heat of another body pressed against him. Cups of coffee and shared showers. Wishful thinking, he had always told himself. 

But wishful thinking gets you nowhere, he supposes, as blood trails over his waist and makes a sickening _plop_ onto the cement floor below them. The stain growing bigger and darker across his stomach, he tries to laugh.

“I have,” He states, knowing exactly what Illumi is thinking, “I always have, Illumi. I’ve always loved you.”

He’s repeating himself, but he can’t help it as his head swarms like bees. 

“It’s always been you.”

He is so cold. Everything is growing darker. The room keeps spinning, though they’ve been sat still this entire time. Illumi is warm next to him, he thinks maybe if he drinks it in, that he’ll be okay. But he knows that isn’t how this works. He knows he hasn’t got much time left, with the way Illumi’s breath is increasingly becoming tattered.

He’s being pulled closer to Illumi’s rattling chest, a sob escaping from somewhere above him.

“I’m sorry,” Illumi says as he shakes, “I’m so sorry.”

There’s a wet hand raking through his hair, Illumi is now the one repeating himself, apologies slipping from his lips like a mantra. Blood soaked fingers make their way to his face as the world around them grows black.

“I love you too,” Illumi tells him as his eyes roll back, body growing limp, “I love you too.”

But it’s far too late, he realizes as he clutches onto Hisoka’s lifeless form, Illumi’s body shaking as if he’s been electrocuted. It’s too late, as he lets out heart wrenching sobs that could pass for banshee wails, nails biting into the still-warm skin of Hisoka’s arms. It’s too late, as his father and grandfather pull up to the abandoned building. It’s too late, as he’s pried away from the only person that he’s ever known to truly love him.

It’s too late.

**Author's Note:**

> hi! sorry i killed hisoka.  
> this was a vent piece that i kinda wanted to post, so here i am.  
> let me know what you think, and thank you for reading! come yell about hisoillu with me on twt @htmlres


End file.
